6 Steps To Poverty Anyone Can Achieve
#1 Spend All Your Money
The most fundamental principal in achieving poverty is spending all your money. Resisting the urge to save isn’t easy. If it were, we would all be wealthy – and then where would the world be?!
Oh, there are those who would have you believe that frugality is next to Godliness, but these will be the same boring people who still use last years phones and still operate on Windows 7 for Chrissake.
Not for us then putting away a little for a rainy day. No sir! We proudly see our monthly wage not as a limit, but as a target. A target to achieved every month
If we are to set ourselves a goal of not only spending all our income, then we ought to push ourselves to smash through the glass canopy and to do that we need to move to the second principal of poverty…..
#2 Buy What You Can’t Afford
We the poor, don’t accept the shackles of financial management foisted upon us by those who believe they know better. (Oh yeah, they might be richer, but that’s probably by selling drugs etc).
Instead we choose to be free. Free to spend more than we earn. Free to acquire what we desire immediately. And free to cry out loud ‘to hell with the consequences’.
We desire a Ferrari style lifestyle and the fuel to drive it is credit. The interest rate is unimportant. What is important is how fast we can get our hands in it. To that end, our credit rating is to be nurtured. The secret to its maturity is to borrow (at first) small amounts, and then to gradually increase those amounts. As we borrow, our credit rating grows, allowing us to achieve yet more credit. At first it’s the credit cards. Then the car loan. Then the grand dad of the all – the mortgage. Once the mortgage is achieved, the world of credit becomes apparently endless. A credit term of 25 years is proffered to us, and its offer of almost eternal debt is to be grasped with both hands. It’s our right. It makes us feel almost eternal.
All this debt will be paid for by the inevitable growth in our income. It will happen. You just have to believe.
#3 The More You Make The More You Spend
As your income grows due to inflation, Government legislation, hard work or even talent, so your spending must grow.
It would be unpatriotic not to do so. The spending by us poor drives the economy. If we weren’t buying what other folk produced the county would go bankrupt.
Sure, there are those who scrimp and save every penny only to lock it up in some high yielding investment for some far off retirement day, but not us. We, the hard working class, will be the engine behind our economy. Retirement is a long long way away. We…….
#4 Live For Today
Why save for a future that may never happen? One in 3 of us will get cancer. It’s a racket propagated by the Government designed to do us out of our State Pensions. Well, 2 can play at that game.
Whilst the propaganda continues to be disseminated by the forces of evil that life expectancy for a female is 83 and males 79, we the poor expect to die younger. So screw saving a fund for emergencies, screw saving for the things we want and screw saving for retirement.
#5 Value Looking Rich Over Being Rich
There’s no sense in being poor and looking poor. The ‘look’ of wealth can be achieved far quicker that actually being wealthy.
Designer clothing and possession are to be acquired and flaunted at all times. Bugger the practicality. It’s the look that’s important to we poor. Regular clothing is worn by losers.
Sure, the goods we must drape ourselves with are twice as expensive as none designer goods, but that’s the point. It’s looking (pretending to look) good that’s important.
You don’t have to save up to acquire the trappings of wealth. You can have them now. Today. (Refer to #2. Have you been listening? This is really important!).
The pinnacle of poverty.
When the debt repayments eventually become more than the income earned. Bankruptcy looms. It is the destination of all those who follow the debt principals. It is the culmination of all that you’ve become, and is to be embraced.
Once this Nirvana is attained, true poverty is experienced at an almost spiritual level. No money, no bank account, no credit. It’s beautiful. And the tear shedding perfection of it all, is it will cost you £500 to declare your self bankrupt. The irony is palpable.
If you recognise any of these stages in you’re own life, then you’re on the path through riches to rags. We, the poor, salute you and await.